Naps

Moms love naps. Most of us live for the moments when our children are unconscious, and we can finish that coffee that has long gone cold, or read, or even shower... Just kidding. If you're like me, that magical time of day is spent hurredly scheduling doctor appointments, returning phone calls without children screaming in your ear,* or just trying to at least keep the family in clean underwear.
 Besides loving our children's naps, moms WANT to nap. But it never happens.

 Dads always get the naps.

Let me preface this by saying that I have a very helpful husband. He honestly does do his fair share of household stuff. He will bathe kids, cook meals, and cart the littles to their extracirriculars. He's very caring, and encourages me to nap on the weekends. Encourages, but doesn't facilitate.
 All week, I have a pretty set schedule with my kids, and the extra two I watch. After lunch, is nap. Always.  And, I try to extend that schedule over to the weekend, in the hopes that I'll get some sleep.
 Sometimes, it just doesn't work. We'll get sidetracked, and before we realize it, it's too late for H to lay down. Then, the chaos ensues.
 I say I'm tired. D encourages me to go take a nap. He'll watch the kids. HE'S GOT THIS. So, I go lay down. I get comfortable, start to even drift off, and IT HAPPENS.

 Knock knock knock.

The sound of a child's hand hitting my door. I ignore it. Surely, D will stop the intruder. The bedroom is right off the living room, HE CAN FREAKING SEE THEM.

Knock knock knock... "Moooommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyy!"

Dan, "Leave Mommy alone! She's sleeping."

"MOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!" KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

"Hannah. I said leave Mommy alone."

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

 "HANNAH!" -- This shout of the name is followed by the sound of little feet, running away. Oh, cool. D must have stood up, which is the universal code for "Parent means business." TIME FOR SLEEP.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaa."
Crap. The shout woke Evie up. Surely, she'll settle back down. I just nursed her, right before I came in to lay down.

"WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Nope. Definitely not settling down. I sigh, and call for Dan to bring her to me, so I can give her a dose of baby knock-out juice.** Once it's been administered, and she is clearly asleep, I text Dan to come get her (text, because NO WAY am I about to do anything louder than breathing), and he does. SUCCESS!! Time for sleep.

I start to drift off.

BOOM CRASH.

"HANNAH, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Shit. She's infiltrated Nick's room.

"HANNAH, GET OUT OF NICK'S ROOM," Dan shouts.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I hear Dan curse. He forgot Evie was passed out on his chest, I guess (?!), and naturally, the sultry sound of his booming baritone has woken her up.

 I sigh, and gaze up at my ceiling, waiting for a minute to see how it all plays out. More thuds from Nick's room. Evie's crying has picked up a notch.

A nap isn't happening.

I go out, and take Evie while Dan stops the other two from killing each other. He puts on a movie for them, or sends them to play outside. I feed the baby, while sipping another cup of coffee, and glance over to where Dan has layed on the couch.

He's passed out. SNORING, even.

Dads always get the naps.

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* Sometimes, waiting for naptime to take care of calls doesn't help. No matter what, if I'm on the phone, someone needs something, RIGHTTHISMINUTE.

** Relax people. Baby knock-out juice is breastmilk. I don't drug my kids. Often.